You aren’t winning. Aware of it, or not, you have lost everything important, important to yourself!
Every infant in the world is infinitely happier than you!
So is most, if not all, of the rest of the population.
Honestly, beating everybody else to grab the material wealth of the world is not real success. You have completely missed the real value in life.
You cannot behave against your real identity, and still like yourself!
The kindest people want you to change the way you act, while the vast majority simply go on just hoping, and waiting, just for you to die!
This is not success. This is a life to look back on, and recognize the loss and the waste of everything, that was most precious to you, at your start.
Turning this around is going to be more difficult for you than for others. I don’t know if it is possible to live with countless deaths at your hands. Appeasement in servitude, might help.
You need to have honor, before your own thoughts about yourself become something you can comfortably live with.
Your identity, your original self, craves above all else just being loved. Does this sound likely to happen?
You must be aware there is no chance for that, without a complete turn-around. Then you can begin anew, but now starting at the bottom.
What happened to you?
Basically, because you were not allowed to live from your own identity in your early years, you lost connection with it, and therefore lost touch with your own real needs!
Identity provides morals, interests, needs, instincts, passion, and everything human.
Without this insight, you fell for the obvious goals, power and wealth!
That satisfies no real needs. It’s an empty victory. Spending a comfortable day with your closest friend is something you are never going to experience. Being loved is denied to you. You need to watch your back at all times.
Sorry, but any way you look at it, you lost everything most important to any life.
Even your feelings are gone. That’s probably just as well.
There is a way back. Accept all those hurts that you pushed away. Pushing experiences and feelings away, isolates people from their own identity. That’s what happens to us. To get back to our original condition, it’s necessary to bring everything back, and re-integrate it. That might be harder for you, because you, yourself, added to your load of horrible feelings.
Even in the face of being executed, it’s still possible to feel really good about yourself for a change. That alone is infinitely valuable. That’s a win.
This post is part of the blog, clarity-of-innocence.com
Thank you for your interest. Good luck on your journey.
Norm
I welcome considering other thoughts.