Why do people hate?
We don’t see this in nature!
Could we be causing it?
There is only one thing that could cause this much hurt and anger!
ACTUAL DAMAGE
Physical damage!
Even unintentional damage can cause anger.
Enough anger can cause hate!
None of us purposely cause damage!
Unfortunately, though, we do!
We do it unknowingly!
Humans are the most loving creatures on earth!
How could we possibly be causing this much damage?
We do it by choosing to see life differently than it is!
We choose to see life as obedient!
LIFE IS NOT OBEDIENT!
All life is driven from within!
It is designed to survive, no matter what obstacles it has to overcome!
It is self-sufficient! It is self-driven!
All it wants or needs is enough protection to allow it to succeed through its own efforts!
Try bringing up your young with that template in mind!
There will be no conflict.
There will be no defiance!
There will be a complete absence of anger or the resultant hate!
There will be trust and love on a scale that right now, we can’t even imagine!
This is normal life! This is nurture!
Life is self-driven. It cannot adapt to any other way without damage!
What happens then, when we force life to be obedient?
The consequences are catastrophic!
Life will try to find its own way, any way it can!
It will keep trying until it collapses!
That’s what it’s been designed to do!
The form of collapse that happens is disconnection!
That identity has failed! Its energy can no longer power that life.
No longer can that identity integrate needs and instincts through its internal language of feelings.
That life has lost its driving force!
We call that driving force “self-esteem”.
HEALTH
Of course, disconnection affects health. How could it not?
It also removes awareness of needs and instincts as well as feelings!
In this condition, it would be a miracle if we could still be a loving creature!
Sadly, I expect we are all well aware that we aren’t.
This life has become capable of atrocities!
It has hurt. It has anger! It will probably have hate! It can no longer feel its own needs!
Tragically, this is all of us now!
There is still hope for us though! Recovery is possible!
Through damage, we have created the ability for humans to become monsters!
OUR CHILDREN
Life is designed to find its own way through any obstacle.
Make those efforts impossible, and damage happens!
What else could we possibly expect?
This is what we now do with our infants.
We aren’t trying to support them in their own lives!
We don’t see them as independent lives trying to survive on their own terms!
We expect obedience!
Obedience, for living things, is a disaster!
PROOF
The proof is all around us! It always has been!
We choose to not see it!
Support independence, and children are loving and highly competent every time.
Healthy too!
Insist on obedience, and what do we get?
They hurt! Resentment, anger, defiance, and conflict without end, are what happens.
It happens every time.
We are so pleased to finally be in control though, that we choose to not see this truth!
Why do we wish to be in control?
Because we didn’t get control over our own lives when we needed it most!
These dynamics are true everywhere! Within families. Within cultures!
None of this is a secret! It’s on full display everywhere in the world!
Support your kid’s own efforts and independence, and get the best friend you will ever have!
Force obedience and discipline, and the result is a terrorist! Also poor health, loneliness, delusional ideation, and a lot of hurt!
What else?
A craving to control others!
That craving is the reason this problem can’t correct itself!
It’s the reason the problem grows!
HOPE
What is therapy? It’s relearning to express our identities.
Our inner world needs the voice it started life with!
Give us that back, and our need to control others vanishes!
We become more likable! Our expression becomes real!
Is this sufficient proof that we should never have lost our original connection with our own identities, feelings, instincts, and needs?
IDENTITIES!
A strong human identity is powerful and loving.
These are now missing, in these times of obedience!
Fortunately, that’s all that’s wrong with our world!
KINDNESS
Where does kindness come from?
It’s our natural condition!
It comes from human needs!
Our need to be loved and accepted is more powerful than even our own survival!
When we can feel that need, we are kind by necessity! It satisfies our own longings.
When we can’t feel that need though, we are free to behave as destructively as we wish!
Unfortunately, this is our population in most places now!
Is it clear that the rules we invent are not gaining on the resulting destructive attitude?
THE PIVOT POINT!
Support life’s need to succeed from its own energy, and we get peace!
Override life’s own efforts, and we get war!
We have chosen poorly!
We can change that!
RECOVERY!
For those of us who feel hurt, can’t feel our own instincts or most feelings, live in anxiety and despair, and want inner peace, there is hope!
Reconnection with our own identity has to be the goal!
There is a lot of hurt in the way of recovery!
This though, is the only hope we have, of ever being truly comfortable and joyful again!
It’s the one and only road to recovering our own real selves again!
Norm Cormier
I welcome considering other thoughts.